Let's Play Devil's Advocate

Imagine this:

Your team plays one of the best games of the season and comes away with a win. An all around team effort leaves everyone happy. There were lots of scorers, great defensive plays, and a consistent, positive, intense energy. Everyone feels on top of the world cooling down and taking off their gear.

After everything dies down and people start to head home for the night, someone stops you - maybe a reporter, parent, your coach, or teammate. They ask, “What could’ve gone better? You should totally feel good about a quality dub. But what did you learn?”

What you may want to respond is, “Um, hello?! Did you not see how great that was? Why would I be thinking about that yet?” You’re caught off guard - as most people would be.

Exactly. But why?

There’s this stigma that losing teaches you so much more than winning. After a loss, it’s normal for a reporter’s first questions to be, “Where can the team improve? How will the team bounce back?” And there’s no hesitation in answering. In fact, you probably already have an answer subconsciously prepared.

There’s no doubt everyone else is thinking about the mistakes they made or the areas for improvement too. Mind you, losing hurts a hell of a lot more than celebrating, so it only makes sense people’s immediate response is to grow from it.

But why don’t we have a similar mindset when it comes to being successful?

Coach Karen Shelton is someone I look up to when it comes to this. From 2018-2020, it was three years of winning. For the first two of those years, we went two seasons - 46 games - undefeated. And to a lot of people’s surprise, we continued to grow and learn constantly.

It was work for everyone, every day - an all around commitment to chasing excellence.

There weren’t as many glaring shortcomings to learn from for a while there. So Coach made it an expectation that we reflect on the successes, so we could continue to improve. And we all thrived believing that there was more work to do. Complacency wasn’t accepted.

Still, don’t think for a second there was ever downplaying what went well or forgetting about quality moments. There was just always a point to address the statement, “We can do ____ better/quicker/cleaner/etc.”

It shouldn’t come as a shock to reflect on the good parts. While the mistakes are usually more easily-recognizable when things go wrong, there can always be something to learn from a positive outcome too.

I’m sure you’ve heard it before: “It’s hard to make it to the top, but it’s even harder to stay there.” And that’s the truth. It’s not natural to be as critical with what went well, but the next thing you know, others are nipping at your heels because they’ve done everything they could do to remain students of the game, no matter what.

Now, I totally understand - and am for - rewarding yourself when hard work pays off. Soak that feeling up so that you can remember it! I am also not saying that you learn more from winning or anything crazy like that.

I just think we should hold ourselves accountable to learn from moments, regardless of outcomes.

Instead of just saying, “Remember how this feels,” have the mindset of, “Remember how this feels, AND what steps can we take to constantly replicate it?”

It doesn’t necessarily matter when - whether it be immediately after, a day later, when the weekend’s over, or even at the start of the following season. Depending on the situation, there’s a time and a place. But I believe it is so important to make an effort to constantly raise the question.

Some people will probably think I’m crazy or say that I’m too intense for thinking like this. And that’s totally fine. I hear you and am okay with it. Because trust me, I completely get there needs to be a balance in order to stay healthy and, well, … sane. Taking anything way too seriously isn’t beneficial for anyone in the long run, I agree.

Nonetheless, I challenge you to reflect on more occasions, even the successful ones. Find that balance that works for your team and you in order to be as great as possible - never okay with just coasting.

Hype your team up; hype yourself up. Create a supportive environment for everyone - which takes time, effort, and action. Own every moment, and appreciate the highs and the lows together.

But also find joy and excitement in reflecting on what could’ve gone better, regardless of what the scoreboard says. Use it as a way to bond and challenge one another. Do what it takes to never become complacent, to never be satisfied, and to never cease chasing excellence.

“No matter what, people, grow. If you choose not to grow, you're staying in a small box with a small mindset. People who win go outside of that box. It's very simple when you look at it.” - Kevin Hart