Blake Lively Knows What's Good
Summer practices were the best, right? No rushing from school, the only worry being if you’ll get a brutal pinnie tan line, and looking forward to heading out to dinner after with your teammates because no one had to get to bed early.
Yeahhh…
Except all of that wasn’t the main focus when you were uncomfortably breathless and bent over the fence surrounding the field, questioning how much longer you’d have to push through the pain, and wondering if you’d survive if you had to get on the line one more time.
How about, on top of that, you just played one of the crappiest practices of your life, are frustrated and doubting yourself again already, and have to sit through a 45-minute ride home with Mom or Dad. You all know what I’m talking about and have at least been in a similar situation before. (I wouldn’t be where I am without those car rides by the way everyone - Momma and Pops, we more than chillin’.)
“What happened out there today?”
“Why does ___ always play well and do the right things?”
“Why do I feel great one day and then like I don’t belong out there the next?”
“When will I just be able to go out there, not think, and do well all the time?”
Get the gist?
When I played for my club team, I used to have an older teammate who was far from perfect, but every time she stepped on the field, it was hers. She owned the place before everyone even had their gear on. You could see it in the way she walked - shoulders back, chin up. Composed, but itching for a battle.
The best part was when she’d walk to the 50 before the first whistle and look across at the opposition.
Her eyes would say, “This will be fun, playing the game we love as a team, but I’m personally going to have a great time making the next 60 minutes absolute hell for all of you.”
And her actions spoke louder.
[Really quick - I feel it’s important to note that she was confident - not cocky. There is a HUGE difference, and a lot of people struggle with not crossing the line to the dark side. Once you’re cocky, selfish, or self-centered, you and, more unfortunately, your team are screwed. Please understand the difference and don’t mess with it.]
Anyway, back to our little dilemma that started this blog off.
A few of the questions I get most frequently from other players - of all ages - is how I always seem so confident, how they can become more confident, and how not to get lost in their own thoughts. So here’s my brief stab at it:
Some people are born with pure confidence. Others, it might take high school jealousy and drama to toughen them up. Maybe it’s going through a rocky relationship that opened your eyes to see what you really deserve.
A lot of us gain confidence through sport, persevering through challenges, and by being surrounded by some of the most inspiring people on the planet.
That was me.
I used to set a “bar” before every game based on how I expected myself to play. I did this subconsciously, and it took one of my brilliant coaches to point it out to me. The upside to this was that it meant I set high standards for myself and wanted to play as best as I could to help my team win. However, I think everyone knows of me to be very unforgiving of myself when I do make mistakes.
So, when something went wrong - say I mistrapped a ball or made a terrible pass, I lowered my “bar,” and that just began the cycle of me focusing my energy on what had happened (key here: past tense) and how I let my team and myself down. When, in reality, it’s your response to a mistake and what happens next that people remember.
It took time, conversations, help from teammates, and a conscious effort to be able to (1) not set a “bar” at the start and (2) know how to balance learning from mistakes on-the-go without having them capture all of my attention.
What I’ve also realized over time is that confidence and experience go hand-in-hand - especially experience with messing up. Now mind you, it is absolutely essential to prepare as well as you can so that you can avoid mistakes; I’m not saying that it’s an “oh well” type of thing because you’ll never be great if you don’t take ownership and be proactive.
All I’m saying is that accepting failure is a huge part of being self-assured and the more you go out there and say, “let’s just play,” after doing everything you could to prepare, the easier it gets.
And finally, the most important piece: knowing who you are and what you stand for is EVERYTHING. Your reputation is … EVERYTHING - not only for your legacy but also for how you feel each and every day about yourself.
It isn’t always going to be rainbows and butterflies with no second-guessing yourself or no mistakes being made. Every athlete has days where they feel like they’re on top of the world and then days where they struggle with their inner thoughts.
It is just all about knowing who you are, surrounding yourself with people who make you feel special, learning to manage your thoughts and feelings, and falling back on what you believe in your heart you are capable of - which, I promise you, is a lot more than you think.
That takes constant work on top of all of the other effort you’re putting in to be a great person and player - hopefully in that order.
There isn’t a formula or an exact way that I or anyone else can share with you to gain confidence. Believe me, I wish that was the case.
But one day, I hope for you to wake up and feel powerful, because you are.
Remind yourself of the difference between “confident” and “cocky” constantly.
Put on an outfit that you’ve been thinking about but may seem a little “out there” for you, and rock it without hesitation.
Surround yourself with people who make you feel proud to be you, and do your part to make them feel the same.
Take the field with fire in your eyes and in your heart, and then pour a whole lotta gasoline on that sh*t just because.
Learn to recognize the presence of any doubts, and say, “Thank you for making me stronger.” Then say, “Cya never.”
Stay true to yourself and take pride in your abilities, because even on “off” days, you’ll know in your heart that you can handle anything.
And when you feel what I’m trying to describe to you, remember it, and do your best to hold on tight. Don’t let anyone or anything take that from you.
Because when has Blake Lively ever steered us wrong…
"The most beautiful thing you can wear is confidence." - Blake Lively
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